I Started Reading, "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy

I started reading, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” and the truth is, this book hit way too close to home for me. Look, I knew we’d have some things in common like having very complicated and dysfunctional relationships with our moms and I knew both of our moms have died. But, I honestly didn’t think I’d have much else in common with the author, Jennette McCurdy. 

Oh how I was wrong. So, so wrong.

(Warning- Spoilers Ahead)

The most jarring aspect of this book for me was how Jennette writes through a first person perspective of her life starting from the time she was a young child. The first half of the book is told through the lens of her childhood self instead of reflecting back through the lens of an adult.

I’ve spent a lot of time (like decades) peeling back the layers of my own childhood, trauma, and mental health, but I’ve actually never stepped back in time the way I did while reading this book. It triggered incredibly vivid memories of what it felt like to be little in such a dysfunctional system, and it was both painful and healing to really go back there.

Reading about how Jennette tried to manage the chaos around her in response to both the abuse she experienced as well as the need to ritualize triggered by OCD symptoms was uncomfortably familiar. (Fun fact: like her, I also have OCD)

There were other similarities as well: our moms were both hoarders, emotionally volatile, punishing, manipulative, threatening, had many unstable relationships, and (although I’m not quite there in the book, I can assume based on the title and how things are going) both died relatively young from breast cancer.

It’s so interesting to read about someone’s life that was both so different and similar to mine. The parallels are both disturbing and validating.

I’d like to continue reading the book but need to take a break and circle back when I’m ready. I’m excited to eventually see her story through, and at the same time, I’m apprehensive of what reading the rest of her story might trigger for me.

I can’t believe how incredibly courageous she is for not only writing this book, but writing it with such honesty and vulnerability. Naming a book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” is definitely taboo, but I get it.

Like Jennette, I’ve reached a point in my life where I refuse to hold onto secrets that have perpetuated a system of abuse and dysfunction around me. And, although it has taken me a very long time for me to get here, I no longer give a f*ck if someone has a problem with that. This is my life to live, and I refuse to waste my time, energy, and happiness in order to protect a dysfunctional system.

I’m never going to make everyone happy, and I certainly don’t care to sacrifice my own happiness in order to make someone more comfortable in their own dysfunctional behaviors.

I’m excited to see how this chapter ends for Jennette and am curious to know where life takes her. I’ll let you know my thoughts when I get there.